5 Ways To Handle Separation In A Christian Marriage
Look at you two? You’ve come so far, yet the journey has been agonizing and the furthest from your happily ever after. How did we get here, you might ask??? How can two people go from loving each other so much to hating each others presence? How did you become the stranger in my life? Marriage has a funny way of shifting from being romantic and adventurous to scrutinizing and mind-numbing.
So, you’ve found yourself needing to separate and now what? You know that you should stay. You know that God hates divorce. You know your children need their father. But you also know that the toxic relationship is killing you, and destroying all positive family dynamics. You can’t take another moment of the emotional abuse, and nagging and disrespect. Let me help you handle your separation so that nothing worse will broadside your marriage.
Note* If physical abuse or any abuse is taking place in your relationship, it’s important you find a safe place to go and talk to someone. Abuse is never okay.
5 Ways To Handle Separation In A Christian Marriage
- Cool Down
Allow yourself to calm down. Your husband has left, you feel angry, abandoned and you’ve had all you can take. All emotions are running high, and it’s easy at this very moment to make decisions you might not make after a restful night’s sleep. Take a deep breath and try to de-escalate.
- Call a Christian Friend
Calling your mom or someone in your family is what you want to do but reach out to a Christian sister, a godly friend someone who will offer Godly insight and help shed light on what’s going on. A neutral party is not likely to take sides. This party will be pro-marriage and help you process steps to work things out. Also, dragging your family down the path your marriage has taken will allow for family members to take sides and begin to dislike your spouse. When forgiveness occurs, your mother or sister or father may not have the same kind of forgiveness which may lead to additional marital problems.
- Hold Off On The “D” Word
I get it; you hate him. How many times does he get to leave? How many times is he going to hurt you? When will he stop lying and just be a good husband? I know that at this very moment you just can’t stand another day. The pain from your marriage is like a wrecking ball that jars your life on a daily basis. But hold off on getting a divorce. Your husband is a small thing for God to move and work in. He can move mountains; he can heal your husband and your marriage. Don’t give up just yet!
- Safe Space
Both you and your husband need a safe space, especially if there are children involved. Make sure the two of you can have a place that is safe to calm down in and figure out the next step in your marriage. Whichever spouse leaves, try and make sure that the new living arrangements will be one that encourages the marriage and love and respect for your partner. A place that doesn’t support your relationship will be detrimental to your marriage.
- Plan of Action
Your marriage can and will be healed if you want the healing to take place. Put your marriage in God’s hands and talk with your husband about a course of action to fix the conflicts that keep surfacing. Your Pastor and his wife are great resources, loving friends, and two neutral people you can seek marriage counseling with. God is so much bigger than the problems the two of you are facing right now. Let the healing begin, and put a plan together that will bring you back into each other’s arms.
If you’re not separated yet and are working on things praise God! I pray you can stay together and continue to work things out. Use these same five tools to prevent separation. If in the midst of a trial the two of you find you need to separate for the safety and/or well-being of the family, follow these tips along with prayer and close fellowship with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Remember that your husband is under attack too. Satan wants him to fail. Satan will attack the man trying to pursue a Godly life and family. Satan wants to tear down families and devour all of them. Pray for your husband and marriage daily and stay strong through this storm together. God has a big plan for you and your husband. He works all things out for the good and His glory.
Let’s Pray Together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Times are so doubtful right now, and You feel so far away. I feel too tired and hurt to move on. Rescue me, father, rescue my marriage from the grasp of the enemy. He has devoured our relationship and left it in ruin. Heal our marriage, bring change to my heart and my husband’s heart. Open our eyes to see Your Will for us as life partners. Don’t let the enemy succeed in winning over another family.
Lord, I need significant changes of my heart to see this marriage through. Work in my heart to find love, respect, and compassion for this man again. Help us to take each other’s hand and take baby steps towards a better future together. A future in You, Jesus. It’s in Jesus name I pray, Amen!
Please feel free to reach out to me in your time of need. I would love to pray with you.
To continue to pray for your marriage check out this 14 Day Prayer Challenge for Marriage