5 Reasons White Lies Are DESTROYING Your Marriage
I once read from an unknown author, “If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past, if you tell a lie, it becomes part of your future”. ~ Author Unknown Wow does that quote nail it, or what??!! Many studies have shown that the average person lies around seven times a day. Most of these lies are silly and not meant to hurt someone. The dictionary even defines white lies as an often trivial, diplomatic, or well-intentioned untruth. For instance, “No babe, those pants do not make your butt look big,” even when he thinks they kind of do, or “kids if you eat enough vegetables, your body will make them taste like candy!”
We try and sugar coat the truth in order to make someone feel better or encourage our kids to do something we desire of them. But, how damaging are white lies? Have they really impacted your relationship more than you know? White lies are so damaging to your relationship that they could be costing your marriage. Well-intentioned or not, telling a white lie manifests an environment between you and your spouse that becomes deceitful, untrustworthy, and fraudulent. How can you trust your loved one when he can’t tell you the truth in a minuscule situation?
Proverbs 12:22 The LORD detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy.
5 Reasons White Lies Are Destroying Your Marriage
Let’s start off with the big one. TRUST! When a spouse is persistently and relentlessly lying about dim-witted things, it causes worry and doubts to set up camp in the marriage. Lies will provoke suspicion and uncertainties to overwhelm the mind of the lied to spouse. “Well, if he can lie to me about that, how do I know he’s not lying to me about something really big and hurtful?” It becomes a scary place in marriage when you’re always wondering ,what is he going to lie to me next about. The lying spouse sees it as no big deal, or perhaps so minute that he doesn’t even mention the real truth. What’s it going to hurt if she doesn’t know? But it does hurt and becomes a bigger issue of not being able to trust your partner in marriage.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Frequently telling lies creates a fictional life for the offender. When they speak, everything seems to have an added imaginary piece to the story. They’ve told so many stories with a different ending, that they’re even puzzled of what’s, in fact, true. This kind of behavior in marriage makes the spouse being lied to feel as though they can’t believe anything that comes out of the liar’s mouth. Nothing is taken seriously anymore, and communication within the marriage becomes non-existent. Now, the conversation has become a one-way street, and the lying has caused an emotional shut down within the relationship.
Proverbs 19:9 A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.
After putting up with the lying for so long, distance between the couple begins to pierce the relationship. Walls are thrown up in fear of the next unknown lie. It becomes impossible to try and nurture and better the marriage with this kind of interaction. The liar(s) in the marriage are cultivating a relationship to its doom. When a couple has come to a point where it’s a you do you, I’ll do me; a devastating end is near.
Luke 8:17 For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.
We’ve all been lied to a time or two by the ones we love. It is a horribly, broken feeling. Why am I not enough? Why wouldn’t he trust me, to tell the truth? Is our relationship not solid enough to take steps in life where we’re not lying to each other? When lying occurs, it breaks down the relationship. It breaks down the spouse being lied to. She begins to question the person she’s married to. Who has he become, that he can’t tell the simple truth? Why would he want to hurt me so? Lying equals breaking your partner.
Revelation 21:8 But as for the cowardly, that faithless, the detestable, as for the murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and ALL THE LIARS, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.
Your spouse gives you their whole heart. So in love, and trusting that you would never dare harm them. Then you take it and shatter it into a million pieces over a dumb lie. You’ve become a stranger, an enemy, someone who no longer is a safe place in the relationship. You’ve betrayed your partner.
Betrayal is defined as being unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, and or fulfilling. When you choose to lie to your spouse and I’m not just talking about the “no your butt doesn’t look big in those pants” lie, I’m really talking about the unnecessary lying about your whereabouts, cheating, pornography, money, anything you hide that would hurt your spouse, these actions are not cherishing your spouse, but betraying them in every magnitude. You’ve stopped guarding and keeping your partner in a safe place, you’ve stopped maintaining the health of your relationship, and you’ve stopped fulfilling the needs of your spouse and marriage.
Colossians 3:9-10 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.
Bottom line, don’t ask if you butt looks big in those jeans, and make a liar of your spouse. I’m teasing. Seriously, though, back to the quote in the beginning, telling the truth may cause some tension for a moment but the storm will pass and the damage is minimal compared to what a lie does. One lie will haunt you for a long time, and if you’re a compulsive liar, then you are hurting your loved ones and damaging them with every lie the flows from your mouth.
To breathe hope back into your marriage read this article here.