#1 Killer Of Marriage And You’re Guilty Of It Right Now
The # 1 killer of marriage and I’m guilty? This past Monday I was watching the Bachelor and observing him slowly fall in love with a handful of girls! (Ridiculous) But I couldn’t help but feel envious and long for that butterfly feeling again. Where you don’t notice a single person around you while you’re embraced in your lover’s arms, kissing; life truly couldn’t get any better. Oh to have those days again. I then jumped on Facebook wanting to drown in other people’s drama, to forget how lonely, and out of love, I feel in my marriage. I saw a good friend of mine posting about her new love she had. Smiles and glowing and happy. They were both on cloud nine and experiencing that same love I wish I still had. I slammed my laptop shut! Holy Crap! What am I doing to my marriage?
Ladies, ladies, ladies…
This is not what God had in mind for your marriage! God’s design of a perfect marriage does not involve handing out roses because you made it to the next level on his meter of love, or involving your man stealing you away for a vacation in the tropics with unforgettable romance and intimacy. I mean, whose marriage realistically looks like this? I’m sure you’ll find a few in Holywood or around the world, but they typically don’t last.
Marriage works because of the struggles that you conquer together as a couple. Marriage stays healthy because of the family you built as husband and wife with God dead center. Most of those relationships formed on a superficial romance, end faster than it even started.
Bottom line, YOUR HIGH EXPECTATIONS for romance in your marriage, is killing it right now!
I called my good friend the night I was Facebooking my sorrows away only to feel worse, and asked if she had seen the new love brewing between our mutual friend. She had acknowledged seeing the posts and said how she told her husband how she wished they still had that kind of love. I DID THE SAME THING! Our poor husbands are feeling inadequate as men, (and we had good intentions) because of the lack of that fairy tale love we so desperately wanted again. I honestly don’t want my husband feeling like I want something better or even thinking about starting something with someone else to experience that crazy, in love romance again.
The truth is, many couples do have that kind of love, but after many seasons of hardship, growth, and building their relationship.
The first two years of my marriage were quite awful. We went through seasons that tested us to the bone. But, God taught me a lot about who I am as a person and a wife and had allowed such trials in order to purge the foolishness from my husband and I.
I have learned that I placed huge expectations on him as a man because I have had so many men fail in my life. So many have caused such pain and trauma that I try to fix my husband, and I hope to create this perfect man that will never hurt me. In the end, my husband does hurt me because of my expectations and needs I’m trying to force him to become. God wants to form my husband into a godly man, one that pleases Him. God never asked for my help. So when my husband breaks down and lashes out, because he can’t be the man I am hoping for, it’s me to blame.
God knows our needs and wants out of our marriage. We must stay sensible, though. You can still have a special, unbreakable love with your husband. It is also attainable to manifest that same kind of love you shared once before, but it all comes from working hard at choosing to love one another. The love you shared when dating was a different kind of love, an infatuation with one another. Love that was blind to any flaw your spouse had. Now, you’re married and see each other’s bad side, and it becomes a choice to love or hate, have grace or anger, forgiveness or unforgiveness.
Are your expectations of love and romance, killing your marriage right now? They were mine, and if you’re reading love stories or watching fantasy movies, you’re probably destroying your marriage too.
Work together with your husband to bring intimacy back into your relationship. Plan date nights and quiet nights with children in bed early. Stop forgetting about your marriage. Put work aside, parenting away and nourish your marriage.
To spice up your day to day conversation with your hubby check this article out, he is sure to love it!
Tell me how expectations have killed your marriage and what you did to fix it.